My life in general just about sucks right now.. I know we have up's and downs and there are a lot of people who may be worse off than me, but there is a lot of people who have it much better off than me. Thank goodness I have kids, because they are the only thing keeping me here anymore.

Just another day... I think not..

May 17, 2012 Just another day for most people. Not this one right here. It's the 9th anniversary of the day Isabella died. I still can't believe it's been that long. Some days if feels like it was decades ago, others it feels like yesterday = when that unexpected pain or memory comes at you like a freight train. I'm in the midst of divorce upon everything else, so I stayed in bed. All.day.long. The only time I got out was to let my puppy out and go to pick up my kids. I woke up to an empty house becuase their dad had them the night before and takes them to daycare, so it was a double smack in the face. IT was like waking up the day after Isabella died all over again.. I never even went to the cemetary - which is a first for me. I'm in a bit of a bad place empotionally so my whole day was a mess. Got in a fight 3 seperate times with the ex, which is definately not what I needed to deal with, but not many people seem to care anymore. I may get a text or message I'm thinking of you, but then they go about their day... It makes sense, it wasn't their baby who died, but I wouldn't complain if someone stopped by with flowers or food or something so I can take that one day out of my year and actually MOURN my daughters death. Every other day, I DEAL with it. I put positive spins on it, remember things she did with a smile, but that day she died, it's a different story. I got through the day, and thats what matters. I woke up, shuffled myself around, got the kids, put my happy face on for them, tried to snuggle them and am back to "normal". I'm just glad it's over.

Perfect present

I came across this blog of another couple who lost their little girl. Her husband did the sweetest thing ever. He made her this book - he had lots of people take part and Ellie went everywhere.

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I want this. I want someone to think to do something like this for me. I want someone in my life who knew Bella and how much she meant to me and go to the great extent to do this. I know that won't happen so I think I'll do it myself

best.gift.ever. for a bereaved parent.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living.. my baby you'll be.